Don't you send me to vm
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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