I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
