god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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