Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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