just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
