dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I love you. Go after that dick
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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