Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
