he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
