i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
