dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
