he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
