she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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