I need to stop coming to work sober
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
