I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
