So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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