Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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