Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
