checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
