Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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