It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize