marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize