I just saw a hot homeless man
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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