Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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