the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
