sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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