So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
