Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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