I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
