As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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