what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
