There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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