Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
