I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
