it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
