Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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