i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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