Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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