I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
