I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
