Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
