I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize