Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
