hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
