What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
