so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just want to make out with him forever
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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