Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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