I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
