I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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