Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You are the jesus of drinking
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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