my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
