So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
