i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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