Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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