Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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