Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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