I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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