It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
