if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
