girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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