I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
