Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
