Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
