shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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