ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
