I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
