I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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