I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
