So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
