I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize