Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
