Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
