i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
