I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
