using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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