i think my tv is drunk
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
