You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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