the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
